Don't dig down. Dig up, stupid!

I was going to change my last post. I was going to edit things from my life, pretend I never felt the way I did, pretend things that did happen never had, but I decided that I just couldn't do it. There's no way to change the past, so I'll learn to accept it. I can't punish myself for what's happened. I dug myself deeper and did some things I would never have done otherwise in the past few days, but I'm not blaming anyone but myself. I'm responsible for my actions, and I've always known that. I've been angry, I've been torturing myself, and I think I've decided that enough is enough. Believe it or not, I was actually in a good mood today! How messed up is that? Not a lost cause after all. So much has changed since my leaving Canada less than a couple of months ago. I've learned a lot about myself, but what's surprised me is that I've learned even more about the people I used to have around me. Mostly it's been for the better, but this distance has brought out a lot of vulnerabilities as well. I guess thoughts and feelings become all that much more important when there's nothing physically present anymore. Every word takes on a greater meaning because, well, that's all that there is. Nobody present, just a word or a series of words that signify everything. A fleeting memory and a few keystrokes to represent all that I am. Hold on to that memory, but keep an open mind if you can. Like I said, I'm done digging myself deeper. There's nothing left for me to find in this hole. I'm forgiving, and I'm doing all that I can to carry on. Life is too precious to dwell in solitude like I do. I loved you, and I know you loved me as well. It's never easy to lose something like that, but I have to move on. Time will heal the wounds. I refuse to let anything ruin the memory of a happy moment in my life. In the end, that's all you have.